发布时间 : 星期日 文章雅思大作文批改之increase of anti-social behavior and a lack of respect to others的cause和solution更新完毕开始阅读09db1a6f9b89680203d825cf
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
There is a general increase of anti-social behavior and a lack of respect to others. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Write at least 250 words.
[There is an unfortunate phenomenon that an increasing number of people tend to behave like antisocialists with little respect to others. There are a multitude of reasons involved in this phenomenon that should be deeply analyzed in order to put forward effective solutions to reserve the trend. ]
This undesirable fact is actually a result of mixed reasons. Chief among the causes of this trend is the poverty-stricken life as well as the unfulfilled ambition, which are due to the deficiency of resources themself and the unfairness of society. Consequently, tortured by the long-term impoverishment and frustration, these citizens are apt to transform the pessimistic motion into the accumulating complaints and dissatisfactions towards society.
Another contributing factor lies in the apathy and numbness of our society, which has a detrimental effect on intercommunication. The situation is deteriorating with those civilians who pursuit[ at] profits and money blindly, which might lead to the ignorance and disrespect to others. In most cases, the citizens in question are probably treated in this way for a period of time, let alone showing respect to other people.
It is, therefore, imperative for measures to be taken to reserve this trend. On one hand, the citizens ought to strive to improve their own lives by mastering a specific skill. In addition, those who fail to fulfill the ambition are supposed to get a clear perspective of what they are hoping to do and how to achieve it instead of endless blaming. On the other hand, it is the responsibility of the authority to narrow the gap between the rich and the poor. Furthermore, the government is obligated to give financial support to the construction of spiritual life of common people.
To conclude, there is certain inevitability in this problem owing to civilians’
terrible living condition and the defects of society, however, it is hoped that the joint efforts from the citizens and the government can be of positive effects.
评分：满分9.0分 总分：7.0分
评分项
TR(TASK RESPONSE)
评分描述
extended
clearly presents and highlights key features / bullet points but could be more full
C&C(COHERENCE AND COHESION) uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-u
LR(LEXICAL RESOURCE) G&A(GRAMMAR RANGE AND
ACCURACY) OVERALL
uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
uses a variety of complex structures;may make a few errors
good
细节错误统计：
错误类型
句子成分多余
其他
评语：
文章总的来说十分不错，对于高级词汇和复杂句式的把握也是恰如其分的，但是在个别细节处还是要注意避免句式重复的问题。此外尽管antisocial 的字面意思是‘反社会’，但实际上，antisocial 并不是指犯罪行为，根据维基百科的解释，antisocial的定义是：不体谅他人，可能引起社会危害的行为，不论有意无意。因此实际上是与a lack of respect to others差不多的意思，所以作者也就不能将antisocial与违法犯罪等同起来，这是需要注意的一点。为了比较全面的论述这个问题，antisocial大致可以从以下几个方面来考虑：一、家庭的教育，二，学校的教育，三，社会，文化的影响（成年人）。而关于解决措施，则可以对应地这么来说：一，家庭是最关键的因素，充满关爱的家庭通常会培养出有爱心有同情心的孩子，而受到虐待，歧视或压抑的孩子更加容易对社会产生敌意，冷漠或戒备；二，学校需要重视学生的心理健康，而不仅关心学生的学业，三，求助心理咨询或医生，四，诉诸法律。这样论述起来才会逻辑严谨，英语学习需要日积月累，不急不躁循序渐进一定会有收获。加油！